


Dodgeball

by bear_bell



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, competitive Avengers, irresponsible use of emergency signals, pure unadulterated giggle/snort inducing crack, seriously who thought it was a good idea for these people to live in the same building?, shinanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 14:23:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3450350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bear_bell/pseuds/bear_bell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Stark Tower is briefly declared an active war zone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dodgeball

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from FF.net. I wrote this a couple of years ago after an INCIDENT at work which resulted in two broken lamps and a spilled pot of boiling peas. Hope you enjoy.

It started with a stress ball thrown in jest. It bounced off of Bruce's forehead and landed on the desk in front of him. He threw it back, and the small plush ball squarely met Tony's turned back.

Bruce should have known better, because he knew Tony, and he knew that Tony would never let the small gesture slide.

It became a little game they played while they were working in the labs. They would wait until the other was engrossed in a project, and then the ball would be tossed in a startling, distracting way. Bruce liked to toss the ball so that it flew through Tony's hologram projections or bumped against his computer screen. Tony liked to toss the ball so that it bounced between beakers and microscopes before coming to a stand still.

There were several near disasters in Stark Tower that week due to spilled neurotoxins and dramatic temper tantrums.

But Tony wasn't finished, no. He decided that he couldn't toss the ball at Banner or his work anymore, because the other scientist had rearranged his work station in a way so that he could keep a constant vigilance on Tony and catch any stray stress balls that flew towards his area of the lab.

So Tony waited until Banner was _outside_ of the lab, unsuspecting and unprotected.

Bruce almost jumped out of his skin (literally) one evening when a small blue stress ball bounced off a nearby lampshade and landed directly in the bowl of popcorn sitting on his lap.

At witch point Steve became involved, because he was sitting on the couch watching a movie with Bruce as they shared a bowl of popcorn.

Steve rarely saw Bruce become emotional, but he watched with wonder as Bruce plucked the ball out of the popcorn, his lips twisting in distaste as he found that the ball was now slick with butter. Then he watched as Bruce, with reflexes Steve didn't know the quiet scientist possessed, quickly turned in his seat and threw the ball at Tony Stark's laughing face. Tony, suitably enraged by the butter now coating his nose and left cheek, retaliated just a little too quickly, and when he once again threw it towards the couch, the greasy ball hit Steve instead of Bruce. Before Steve could give a toss of his own, however, Tony had vacated the area.

Steve and Bruce formed an instant alliance, combining Steve's strategy and brawn with Bruce's creativity and personal knowledge of Tony Stark. Together, they decided they would destroy Tony Stark.

A week latter, Clint returned from a mission – a simple surveillance mission which required no real effort on his part. When he arrived at Stark Tower, he thought he would work out or play video games to release some of his pent up aggression, but something much more satisfying awaited him in the common areas of the top floor. He had no idea what was going on, but he saw balls flying and Tony Stark laughing his head off, and Clint decided he wanted in on the action. He easily caught a stray ball, surveyed his opponents, and decided to let loose on Steve Roggers, who would no doubt be the more challenging – and thus more exciting – opponent.

When Thor arrived at the Tower after a visit to Jane, he found the top floors silent and devoid of life. J.A.R.V.I.S informed him that Bruce, Tony, Steve, and Clint were present, but could not tell him where they were because Bruce had hacked his system and disengaged his location sensors and surveillance feed within the top floors of the Tower.

Eventually, Thor found Banner crouched in the pantry of the kitchen, five small hand balls gathered in his arms.

"Where are the others?" Thor asked.

"Clint – he's in the vents, I think," Bruce answered in a whisper. "Tony's locked himself in one of his workshops, and Steve – I don't know. I don't know where he is."

"What is the matter, Dr. Banner?" Thor tried to ask.

"Keep your voice down! And I told you, I don't know where Steve is!"

"J.A.R.V.I.S. says he's in the tower-"

"I know! But I don't know _where_!"

"Then why do you not reengage the location sensors or surveillance feed for J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

"Because then they would know where _I_ am, and I _can not_ go through that again! Clint and Steve are in allegiance, now. That jerk abandoned me the moment Clint began to overwhelm him. And do you know how hard Steve throws? My back has a welt on it the size of a basketball! I thought the Other Guy was going to come out to play."

"Dr. Banner, do you require assistance?" Thor asked.

Thor didn't hear Bruce's reply, because at that moment, he was hit in the back of his big blond head with a shiny rubber ball, courtesy of Steve Rogers.

The tower was a mess of flying balls by the time Natasha arrived. She immediately recognized the game for what it was when she walked out of the elevator, but she didn't have time to so much as roll her eyes before she was turning and spinning to dodge balls.

"Where did all of these even come from?" she complained as she came out of a crouch and almost tripped over a large hulk-green ball.

"Stark, of course," Steve spat from where he was crouched behind a pillar, a red white and blue striped ball held tightly between his hands. "He filled our rooms with the things so we couldn't even walk to our beds. We can't figure out how he got them all into the Tower without any of us noticing."

A week latter, Fury was in a rage as he made his way to Stark Tower.

He should have known something was wrong when Clint didn't appear for a debriefing the day after his mission was completed, and Stark hadn't made any appearances in the press for a good three weeks.

Fury asked that the Avengers attend one meeting a month – only one! But this month, J.A.R.V.I.S. hadn't sent confirmation that Stark had been notified of the meeting's date and time. Natasha and Barton hadn't appeared when summoned, and when Fury hacked the other Avenger's e-mails and phones, he found that there hadn't been any activity on any of their accounts for a good two weeks.

So Coulson was sent to round them up. But Coulson hadn't been heard from in fifteen hours.

"So help me God, if there was an emergency at the Tower and no one thought to notify S.H.I.E.L.D., there will be hell to pay," Fury swore as he began hacking J.A.R.V.I.S.'s system.

As he entered Stark's elevator, Fury had to admit that he was a little unsettled by how easy it was to get into the building. J.A.R.V.I.S. usually put up more of a fight.

As the elevator came to a stop on the top floor, Fury had his finger positioned over a small, discrete button located on the side of his belt. If the elevator doors opened to reveal the Avengers in a state of distress, all he had to do was push that button, and all six (yes, six) branches of the military would be swarming the Tower within moments.

"Hey-Hey!" Fury heard Stark shouting just as the doors were opening. "Paragraph Two, Clause Three clearly states no human shields! _No human shields!_ "

"You broke treaty first, Stark!" Clint answered as he forcefully held Stark in place in front of him. Bruce was attacking the pair with something that appeared to be an automatic ball throwing gun made out of a coffee machine.

"Stand down!" Coulson called from his place where he was crouching beneath a coffee table – a coffee table which Thor was standing on. "Or I will be forced to call in reinforcements! Natasha!"

"No!" Steve was calling to Natasha. "Treaty states only two alliances at once, 'Tasha! Think carefully of whose side you want to choose!"

" _What is going on here?_ " Fury roared, and all movement in the area stopped for a single split second. Then, every ball in every hand was thrown at him.

In hind sight, he shouldn't have left his finger over the National Emergency Alert call on his belt after he realized there was no real danger in the room.


End file.
